How to deal with two employees that hate each other

At work, different personalities, styles, and backgrounds can create some serious clashing. This means it’s not uncommon for coworkers to dislike one another. It also means that, from time to time, you might find yourself caught in the middle between two people who don’t get along—and who want to involve you in the drama of the situation. This can be uncomfortable and stressful, especially when you don’t know what to do. So here are three tips for how to manage this tricky situation.

1. Don’t choose a side.

Do your best to remain neutral at all times. Don’t engage in any sort of gossip about your coworkers, or choose sides. You want to stay as far away from this as possible. Getting involved in discussions about these coworkers in even a small way may tarnish your reputation and could even impact your performance review. Steer clear, stay neutral, and don’t choose a side. This is better for your mental health and your professional brand.

2. Set and communicate clear boundaries.

Setting meaningful boundaries personally and professionally is going to be key to your success. When we have healthy boundaries, we can accept positive people and actions into our lives. At the same time, we protect ourselves from people and situations that are harmful.

When it comes to coworkers who hate each other, set clear boundaries by openly communicating that you won’t get involved in their situation. It’s okay to be very clear and say things like: “I understand Lisa is bothering you, but I’m not going to engage in a discussion about her with you. We need to end this chat here.”

Sure, people might not like how direct you’re being here. This is about you protecting yourself personally and professionally, not them. You deserve to set a boundary around this and to have the ability to adopt a laissez-faire attitude around what others may have to say about it.

3. Discuss concerns with your manager.

If two coworkers hate each other, it’s pretty likely that this is going to have an impact on your ability to get your job done. This is especially true if you need both parties’ participation in a project. If your coworkers are starting to have an impact on your ability to do your job, you need to address this situation with your manager. The best bet for an effective discussion is to focus on facts and remove emotion. This makes sure your account of the situation is professional and ensures you won’t be seen as a complainer.

Being caught in the middle of two coworkers who hate each other is tough. This can only go on for so long before it will start to impact your engagement at work. Remember to stay as disconnected from their drama as possible by setting healthy boundaries. It’s not your job to manage your coworkers, so when the time comes you’ll need to leave addressing the situation to your manager.

A version of this post previously appeared on Fairygodboss, the largest career community that helps women get the inside scoop on pay, corporate culture, benefits, and work flexibility. Founded in 2015, Fairygodboss offers company ratings, job listings, discussion boards, and career advice.

By Dan Oswald
President, M. Lee Smith Publishers

Just My E-pinion

In a recent meeting I asked about employees who hate each other. I got a few chuckles and wisecracks, but I was serious—I’ve seen workplaces in which employees couldn’t stand each another and it got in the way of productivity.

So I went back to my office and Googled it. Well, technically I searched on “employee dislike coworker.” (Hate is such a strong word.)

Obviously, I’m not the only one thinking or writing about this. My search results included page after page of links to information about employees’ dislike of their coworkers. The top result was “10 Surefire Ways to Get Your Coworkers to Hate You.”

So employee dislike for one another doesn’t appear to be an isolated issue. That shouldn’t be surprising. Put dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of people in the same building and not everyone is going to get along.

But I’m not just talking about an employee not caring for a coworker. I’m talking about coworkers who actively dislike each other and it’s apparent in the workplace. They treat each other rudely and are unwilling to work together productively. They might even actively work to sabotage one another.

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Hundreds of business books have been written extolling the benefits of collaboration and teamwork. We constantly hear about the importance of team chemistry in both sports and business. Here’s what Dr. Scott Williams of Wright State University said about team chemistry in his free newsletter LeaderLetter.

Team chemistry is the composition of a team and the relationships among team members. Good team chemistry helps a team achieve its goals, and it results when (a) a team has members who possess the right competencies and (b) they work effectively together to achieve synergies. We most often notice that a team has poor chemistry when the members are talented but fail to work well together to make the most of their abilities. For instance, team members failing to play roles that their teams need someone to play or engaging in unproductive conflict are examples of problems with team chemistry.

I think Dr. Williams nailed the issue I’m talking about when he wrote, “engaging in unproductive conflict” causes problems with team chemistry. And if team chemistry is what helps the team be productive and achieve its goals, then two employees who hate one another is going to affect the results of the team.

So what do you do when you have two employees, both talented contributors, who can’t stand one another but their jobs require them to work together? You can’t make them like one another, but you can demand that they find a way to work together productively. And if they either actively or passively refuse? Then either one or both need to go.

One could argue that both need to be dismissed since they’re both contributing to the problem. But if they are both talented contributors, as I said, then retaining one might be the best thing for the business. Removing one of the two eliminates the issue, while still allowing you to retain the more valuable employee.

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If you haven’t faced this issue yet as a manager, I’d argue it’s only a matter of time. Ignoring it will lead to big problems as the other employees line up behind one or the other of their coworkers who are engaged in the feud. And, like the Hatfields and the McCoys, they may not be sure why the feud began, but they’ll be a part of it.

So make sure you meet this issue head on, even if it means you lose a talented employee—or two.

Readers, what’s your technique for dealing with two employees who “hate” each other? Click “Share Your Comments” below.

Dan Oswald is president of M. Lee Smith Publishers. His remarks first appeared in his blog, The Oswald Letter. You can sign up to receive The Oswald Letter via e-mail here.

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Answer: Dear Frustrated in Florida,

It is time to take control of the situation. While conflict in any environment is inevitable, when it goes unchecked and effects the workplace environment, it is time to deal with it. Having said that, it is always easier to resolve the disputes before they become problems. So in the future, “head trouble off at the pass” by dealing with it immediately. Now, for your current situation, I recommend the following steps.

Bring the two employees together so you can:

Let them know how their behavior is affecting their peers and the workplace,
Advise them that a calm and pleasant workplace is necessary and that anything that interferes with a pleasant workplace must be addressed and resolved,
Remind them that they are both valuable employees and that you are confident that they can resolve their differences and work together,
Get their commitment to work out their differences so they can work together, and
Ensure that they understand the seriousness of this problem and that while they do not have to like each other, you expect them to learn to work together.

Review the options with the employees:

You can work this out on your own.
I will meet with you to address the issues.
We can bring in a mediator to work with you to resolve the issues.
You can refuse to work on these issues, in which case, I will accept your resignation.

Ascertain whether the employees have the motivation and the communication skills to resolve their issues.

If they do not, suggest that a third party be invited to assist them in working out those differences.
If the employees feel they can work their problems out without the intervention of a third party, compliment them on their willingness to do so. However, enlist their understanding that you expect them to resolve these issues. In addition, establish a progress evaluation plan, so that you will know how the employees are doing in addressing and resolving the issues.

Evaluate the appropriateness of bringing in a mediator to assist the two employees with the resolution of their disputes.

Often, the disputants are too emotionally involved and lack the skills to problem solve the issues. The role of a mediator is to assist them in working out the issues.

Frustrated in Florida, I would also recommend that you provide training for all of your employees on communication and conflict resolution skills.

Best wishes, Mary Rau-Foster

Please Note: This article is for informational purposes only. It is not the intent of Mary Rau-Foster to render legal advice. If legal advice is required, you should seek the services of a competent lawyer.

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